Trust Beyond Circumstance

Last summer, Anthony and I were driving from our home in Kentucky to Gulf Shores, AL. It had taken us about 8 hours to get to Birmingham around dinnertime, and Lucy had been fussing most of the drive. We decided to stop at a Chipotle we found on iMaps, but quickly realized it was taking us through downtown Birmingham at rush hour. I was driving and overwhelmed by all of the ramps and signs and traffic, the iMaps was telling me what to do, Anthony was telling me what to do, and Lucy was screaming. I felt myself freeze in panic and was screaming, "I don't know what to do!!". We eventually got our burrito bowls (things we do for Chipotle), but I was shook.

This is the exact feeling I had the night of March 14th. Lucy had just fractured her leg, I was exhausted, everyone was panicking about the coronavirus and I had plans to host our usual house church in our home the next morning, as well as two other groups Monday and Tuesday. I felt like I had too many voices yelling at me; the voice to keep meeting regardless of the risk, the voice to self-isolate and run away to protect myself and my babies, and all of the voices of the media giving me information overload. I was panicked. Since then, God has been leading me through a journey of learning how to trust him in this season. How do I trust God to give me the right wisdom? To do whatever he has asked, even if it is scary? How will this pandemic affect our fundraising and income? How do I trust God if he does not answer my prayers and protect me, Anthony, and my sweet babies?

God reminded me of the story of Peter walking on water in the sea of Galilee.

"Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves. About three o’clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, “It’s a ghost!” But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!” Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.” “Yes, come,” Jesus said.

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?” Matthew 14:24-31

What I believe God has been teaching me in this season is that I cannot conjure trust on my own. We are human, and when we look around us and see the waves and wind we are scared and lose faith. The only way we can trust the Lord in the storm is by fixing our gaze on him alone. There is something about seeing Jesus that makes all other things fade away. It fills us with peace, and leads us to trust him in all circumstances - not just ones that go the way we want. Not just that, but it makes us brave! We are confident enough to do whatever Jesus asks of us, even if it seems scary, if we can see his face.

I believe that we are in a season right now where the gift we are being offered is God himself. We are not being offered a guarantee of security, safety, or even life. But God is giving us the opportunity to turn our faces to him, where the gift is the nearness of the living God. Here is where we don't just conjure trust, it is impossible not to trust! Because we are with Jesus and we know his heart.

I am reminded of a story I recently read in "Tramp for the Lord" by Corrie Ten Boom. She was recalling a time of ministry where God did not provide for her in a way she was expecting and she did not know what he was up to.

"Now the message was clear. Although there was no light to guide me, I was still in God's will. Actually, when one is abiding under the shadow of the Almighty there will be no light, but that is only because God's presence is so near. I leaned back in the seat. 'Dear God, when this shadow came over me I thought you had departed. Now I understand it was because You were drawing closer. I eagerly await whatever You have planned for me.'"

May we all learn to abide in the shadow of the Almighty, for this is where Jesus is. And what else do we need?